Self-Crowned Q&A: Why Does Money Matter In Marriage?

Four years of marriage have become volatile and it’s all about money. When I met my husband he had nothing. I, on the other hand, had moved from my home state where I owned a rental property, to a new city to give my children a better quality of life. My credit was squeaky clean so I put down on a humble house and made it a beautiful home. Shortly thereafter, I met and began dating my husband. We got along well and connected instantly as we had shared interest and dreams. He was the protector I always wanted in a man, though we were not financially yoked. We made our unconventional relationship work. A year later he proposed. A year later we wed.

A year later we bought into a gentrifying neighborhood to build our liquid assets. He wanted to build a business to take build our union and be a provider, but he didn’t have the resources. Unexpectedly, his mom died and left insurance money. Immediately, he wanted to invest in his business, however, we didn’t want incur debt. So I took the $11,000 saved in my 401k and combined our money to establish buying power. We purchased a small restaurant. In this time, we stopped paying bills on the former house. I left my job to contribute manpower to the restaurant and manage the day-to-day affairs. I worked my butt off so my husband could have something and be successful.

After a year, the house I purchased was foreclosed on. I was saddened by this. I also learned my husband was mismanaging funds earned from the business. When I confronted him, he became irate and told me the business was his (not ours), that he could do whatever he wanted to do with his (not our) money, and that I haven’t worked in over a year so I couldn’t tell him shit.

I told him it was time to cash out of our remaining home to save the sinking ship and told me that house was his (my name is on the deed), and I could leave if I choose. I was devastated and heartbroken. Here it is I poured everything I am and had into this man and he tells me this. I’m at a loss for words. Help.


Heartbroken & Broke

Dear Broke Broke,

This is the tragic story of many self-made women. Once you become successful, you look for love to complete the circle. Only thing is love is a complement not a completion. Many of us have our own ideas about marriage and we partner up with significant others without fully knowing where they stand on ideas of matrimony.

That’s hella important.

It sounds like you’re ideal of marriage lies somewhere between what’s mine is yours and ride or die. Unfortunately, your man matched that in the worse way. Your husband came to with nothing and you got what was his and that was nothing. From the sound of it, he could ride or die because he nothing to lose and rode you like a mule. You, my love, failed to see that with your eyes wide open.

You married a self-serving narcissists. The best thing to do is file for divorce ASAP. You gifted him a means of support and maybe one day he will grateful. For now, save your own sinking ship. Seek counsel. Get therapy. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. And never lose yourself in love again. Sell the house from beneath him, move on, and never look back.

He’ll be aight and you will, too.

Yours truly,