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Self-Crowned Q&A: Obvious Signs You’re In A Work Marriage When The Spouse At Home Is Slacking

Realizing the difference between just being his friend and his emotional side piece for the stimulation his wife isn’t giving, will save you from future heartache.

I have a married co-worker who I’ve come to adore and have grown pretty close to. Although we are just friends, another colleague referred to us as being “work married.” The comment threw me for a loop and now I often wonder if my friend is using me to get what he’s lacking in his marriage. How do I know whether or not I’m filling in for his wife?

Yours truly,
Platonic Partner

Dear Side piece Work Wife,

While maintaining a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is OK, we have to be mindful about the parameters of that connection, especially if either of you are married. The basic tenets of marriage are hella clear and are outlier for all other relationships. And to be clear specific boundaries must be set. Here are a few things to consider so you will know the difference between just being his friend and his emotional side piece:

CONVERSATION CONTENT & FREQUENCY

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Friends talk to friends about most things. However, if your married friend discusses, intimate details about the kids, sex, doctor’s appointments, goals, work, and his mama, all day, everyday — chances are y’all go together and he and his significant other are not connecting on that level.

BODY LANGUAGE

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Body language, no matter how subtle, can be a dead giveaway. Making goo-goo eyes, big smiles when one another enters the room; lighting touching and leaning in when each speaks; having cozy lunches and meetings may seem ambiguous, but they ooze “we go together,” and for a married individual it may be an indication of the lack of attention and stimulation he or she may lack from their significant other.

BEHAVIOR

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Is anybody noticeably territorial? Is one of you or both of you clocking the other’s moves? Does anyone get a wee bit jealous of interactions with other co-workers who appear too close for their own comfort. These behaviors are projections of what may be wrong in the person’s union and led to a closer-than-close working relationship on the job.

Among a few others, these tell-tell signs are the most notable. They should give you the discernment needed to get out of the pseudo work wife mode and back into the safe friend zone. Leave the wifing up to the wives.

Best wishes,

SELF-CROWNED