I just started dated my guy. About six weeks in, we had a talk about getting serious. During that conversation, we decided open communication and honesty was important for our bonding, and that we wanted to honor both moving forward. One day, while Netflix and chillin,’ my dude ask what I “thought” was a pretty open-closed question. He asked if I “thought” about smashing other guys since we’ve been dating. Now, I’m no fool. I could’ve said ‘no’ to keep the peace, but I wanted to honor our agreement to be honest so I said ‘yes.’ Shit hit the fan. He accused me of betraying him and drilled me for almost two hours. Our movie night was ruined and I don’t know how to get back to the loving place. Any suggestions?
Honest to a fault
Dear Brutally Honest,
First let me say this: I applaud you for keeping it 100% trill. We need more truthful people like you in this world ‘cause many people are hung up on lies. You a real one.
What your guy exhibited is fragile male ego. His sense of entitlement and expectation is a result of the patriarchal society we live in. This way of thinking allowed him to assume that you, a woman, would kill (or hide) parts of you and your truth, massage his ego and protect his pride — even when being honest. In other words, he wanted you to be untrue to yourself — and validate his dick. And since that is what he truly wants, he should’ve ask for that upfront when y’all had “the talk,” instead of fronting like honesty was his thing. He can’t handle the truth.
My advice to you is to let that man go. Because of his butt hurt feelings he has the audacity to accuse you of betraying him when the alternative would have been to betray yourself, and in the name of self-love and self care that is never an option. He is asking too much of you, when he doesn’t even know what he wants for himself. He’s problematic. Get far away from him.