Self-Crowned Q&A: What To Do When He’s Not Popping The Question

An enquiring subscriber wants to know what to do when he’s definitely not popping the question … ever. SELF-CROWNED weighs in.

I’m a 30 year-old girl who is very accomplished in my career. My credit is good, I have a great network of friends, and an extremely supportive family. At age 25, I bought my own home and started dating an equally amazing guy. I held off having children because I wanted to do so under the covenant of marriage. My childbearing years are closing in on me, and after five years, my man hasn’t popped the question. Our relationship is solid, but I don’t want to wait around and risk not having the life I mapped out for myself. What should I do?

Yours truly,
Patiently Waiting

Dear Patient One,
It’s good to know that you are out there drinking your alkaline water and staying hydrated, using your coconut oil, eating leafy greens, and clearly have your shit together. But first things first: You referred to yourself as a “30 year-old girl.” You are a grown ass woman so own that because a woman’s mindset is needed to approach this situation.


It appears that you’ve known what you want for yourself for quite some time and it seems as if you always went and got it — until now, that is. The question you must ask yourself is why now are you putting that power in your guy’s hand? But to answer your question on what you should do in this case, there are two things I advise:

Tell Him What You Want


Does he know that a timely marriage and family is what you want? If not, you need to communicate that cleary. If he does know your expectations you need to revisit that conversation and make it plain; like ABC’s 123’s plain. And don’t just tell him what you want, tell when you want it this to happen as well. Shit or get off the pot. That goes for you and him.


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Listen to auntie Maxine, and reclaim your time. If you know you want to be married with kids and your guy is noncompliant after you’ve made yourself clear, end it and get started on that goal. While 30 is a good age to tie the knot and birth babies, you have plenty good years left like 31, 32, 33 … 35, 37 … and so on. Go … and Get yours.

Best regards,